If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
