No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
