You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
This is not my ceiling
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
