hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
