i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
