i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
