You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
