Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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