I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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