i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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