in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
