Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
