fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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