listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
