Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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