Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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