if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
