Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
