He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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