you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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