I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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