I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
