One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
