The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
