I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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