Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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