a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
