Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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