what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
