What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Can I color on your dick again?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
