I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
