And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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