Are we in a gay sports bar?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
