I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
