I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
