I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
