which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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