I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
