cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
