Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
