Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
