I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
