This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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