Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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