I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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