I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
