We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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