Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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