I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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