I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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