I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
