Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
This house was built for laser tag.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
