I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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