just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
