I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
