You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
