dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
There's always time for handjobs
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
