i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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