how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
