The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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