also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize
