the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
