I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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