sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize