It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
