I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
