so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
